But I'm just not in "The Mood"

If there's one thing I know for sure, it would be this subject! Believe me, after a long day being mommy and domestic goddess, it's hard to find the energy for a shower let alone a roll in the hay! Yet even after 16 years, it still surprises me that my husband (who many times I would trade in for another wife) can reach down and pull the energy and desire out for sex on a daily basis. Or does he really need to reach down anywhere to find it? The honest truth is, "it" is ALWAYS there for him.
I've learned, over these 16 years, that I simply can't beat myself up over this. However, often times, I knew the hubby was wondering what he had done wrong, why I didn't like him anymore and when will he FINALLY get a little somethin' somethin' from me. At one point, I had convinced myself that my husband was simply a pervert. He wanted sex ALL the time. Then I realized, he wants sex all the time because he hasn't gotten any yet!
There are so many different reasons why women lose the desire for intercourse. The issue can be a real medical problem. So the first thing I suggest is to talk to your doctor about any problems you are having with lack of libido. I literally approached my doc as if she was just another girlfriend so I could be frank with her about the issues I was experiencing. After all, this person has looked into my vagina for crying out loud! Why wouldn't I be honest about sex? This is my doctor, not Jesus! (I'll be honest here. Even if it was Jesus I'd still be honest about any sex issues I was having. That's just how I roll... LOL) Your doctor may conclude that medication, hormone levels and even stress is the culprit.
Although, sometimes (and by sometimes I really mean a LOT of the time) it is simply all in our heads. OK, what I'm really trying to say here is that us women are notorious for letting life get in the way of sex. I've stopped asking why and so should you. The "why" isn't as important as the "how to fix it" is. I'm going to give you a REAL fix it. I'm not going to give you some sappy advice about candles and lingerie. I'm not going to tell you to read a romance novel or watch a porn. I'm not even going to tell you to make a pack of foreplay with your lover. What I'm about to say may even make some of you mad. BUT IT WORKS!
Years ago, during a sex dry spell, I heard of an article. I tried to find it for the purpose of this blog to no avail. It wasn't something I found online, so it didn't surprise me I couldn't find it. The article was written by some renowned sex therapist from some unknown country other than the U.S. Today I'm going to share the advice that changed my sex life forever!
It's a fact that studies have shown that women who have sex more often have a higher sex drive (amongst other benefits). Going on this concept, the doctor developed a theory that women can increase their sex drive by (of course) having sex more often. What they found is that women who have sex every three days experience a higher sex drive, better orgasms and live all around happier and less stressful lives. From there, the doctor developed a "program" of sorts that he put his sex therapy patients on with phenomenal results!
Here is how it works:

• You must MAKE yourself have sex every three days. One day on, two days off. Commit to yourself that you will do this regardless of any excuse you may come up with. It will seem difficult, at first, so keep it simple. Don't worry yourself with all the bells and whistles of love making. Especially in the beginning. It won't matter if you have a 5 minute quickie or a full out hour long love making session (like that happens after kids, right?) The idea here is to simply have sex every three days. What you'll notice, as time goes on, is that it will begin to get difficult to wait till the third day. No lie! As your body starts producing those hormones and endorphins that sex induces it will begin to change the chemistry in your entire body! The other thing I noticed about having a "sex day" is that I KNEW I was going to have sex on those days. From the time I woke up that morning I began preparing myself mentally as well as physically. I knew what to expect, I knew it was happening and I did what I needed to do in order for the sex to occur. I also noticed that I was much nicer to him on those days. It was easier for me to flirt and to be loving towards him. If an argument ensued, I walked away from it much faster than normal. After all, I didn't want to HAVE to have sex with a man I just had a disagreement with. I found that I made sure that the day went in the direction of the bedroom!
• Be accountable to someone other than yourself at first. Find a friend or maybe even your sister who is experiencing the same issues with low libido. Turn this into a game or competition between the two of you. Not only with this help with motivation but it will be fun and interesting for the two of you to compare notes of your progress. And believe me, if your best friend "has" to have sex and isn't in the mood for it, she's will be bound and determined to make you do it too. Then when you see it working, you get to share your accomplishment with someone. I found that it served as stimulating conversation as well. Many times I would map out my plan of attack with my sex day buddy. She had some great ideas as well that I found myself implementing in my own bedroom. I looked forward to that phone call or conversation to tell her what happened and what I was going to do the next time. As we got further along in the "program" we even began to shop for lingerie and I remember a stripper pole coming into the mix at one point. All of which happened simply because I had her there as my support.
  
• Do not tell your partner that you are on this "sex diet." You don't need him reminding you that it's "sex day." That will only result in feelings of resentment towards him. The fact is, he'll have no idea what's going on and will probably be clueless that there is even any pattern to the love making days. Besides that, the last thing he'll do is ask you why you ARE having sex with him. If he's smart, and he does see a pattern, he'll simply keep his mouth shut for fear of messing with a good thing. I think you'll find it interesting how his behavior will start to change unconsciously. He'll begin to do more favors for you, he'll be more loving and caring. Not only is he grateful for getting lucky but he feels more loved by you and will reciprocate that in everyday life. Which in turn, helps you WANT to have sex with him instead of "making" yourself.
  

If there's one thing I want to leave you with it would be my own personal experience with being on the sex diet (as I so lovingly began to refer to it.) There was a time that I literally despised my husbands excitement for sex. In fact, I resented him for being able to do it regardless of the time, place or situation. Maybe there were even times that I wanted to have sex but didn't because I resented him. Ultimately, I began the sex diet because I felt guilty that I wasn't performing my "wifely duties" and maybe even a little fearful that if I didn't "buck up" he may find someone who would. However, what I got from it had nothing to do with him at all. I got my desire back! I began to experience that feeling you get from the sweetest spots of your feminine anatomy. I began to feel again the throbbing and longing for pleasure. I began to have better and longer lasting orgasms. I began to feel like a woman again!
There's no other relationship you have, as a monogamous couple, that can give you these feelings. Your spouse is the only person you have "permission" to have this intimate bond with. That bond is important to a healthy marriage and to a healthy YOU! What I learned is that the relationship between husband and wife is unique and special and wonderful! The more we partake in the uniqueness of that marital relationship, the happier we BOTH are.
If any of you try the "sex diet" and would be willing to share your experiences please come back after a month or so and post a comment. I'm truly interested in finding out what everyone else experiences.